When I was a little girl, I used to daydream that I had fantastic, magical powers. I would imagine myself standing in my front yard, waving my hands in the air, making amazing things happen. I would see my friends’ faces as they stood around me, surprised, delighted, and impressed. I would think how wonderful that would be, how much everyone would like and respect me and my abilities.
I created these dreams because I knew the opposite was true. From the time I was a little girl, I knew that I had terrible powers. That I could hurt people with my thoughts. That bad things happened because of me. That I had to do special things to keep everyone I loved safe.
I understood that if anyone knew about my terrible powers, I would be shunned. Banished from society. So I kept my capabilities and the special things I did to protect people a secret, even from my parents and my best friends, because that’s how I kept them safe. I had to pretend like everything was OK and act perfectly all the time, so that no one would know, because that’s how I kept myself safe.
I just didn’t know that my terrible powers were called OCD.
Imagine my surprise at hearing Elsa, who was born with the power to freeze everything and everyone around her in the Disney movie Frozen, sing about what it’s like for her to hide her terrible powers from everyone:
“Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know.”
She was talking about me as a little girl! That’s what I did! What’s even more amazing to me is that the theme song from the movie, Let It Go, could not have been written any more perfectly to describe my triumph over my own terrible powers and a wonderful approach in general for beating OCD, which I’d like to share below. (Song lyrics are on the left).